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 The Meaning of Larf ... a Wealth of Wit, Wisdom and Weally Silly Words
By Philip Bradbury
125
luscious pages of amusement for anyone who likes a laugh and some
thoughtfulness. Gathered from hundreds of unsolicited emails over eons
of monitor-staring pleasure, these tid-bits of nonsense, sense and
otherwise gritty, pithy and rather silly jottings of so many scribes,
most called Anony Mouse, cannot go unheralded.
For anyone with microseconds and micro-breaks, this is the
perfect
book to pick up, put down and read in between. Perfect for people in
doctors' waiting rooms (to hit coughing patients with), coffee tables
(under a broken leg) and for the car to amuse when stuck in traffic.
Try
it, you'll like it ... no, you'll love it and wonder why you hadn't
bought it before as it will make you the perfect party-joker and you'll
never be lonely any more.
Specifications:
Paperback: 134 pages
ISBN-10: 1453667105
ISBN-13: 978-1453667101
Book size: 9 x 6 x 0.3 inches
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Excerpts from The Meaning of Larf by Philip Bradbury ...
ALZHEIMERS TEST
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is old cat.
This is fart cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down. AVIATION RULES
From the Australian Aviation Magazine, June 2000:
Every take-off is optional. Every landing is mandatory.If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
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ADULTS ON CHILDREN
Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere - and let the air out of their tyres.Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.LEGAL WISDOM
As recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are 22 questions which were actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:
1.'Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?'
2. 'The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?'
3. 'Were you present when your picture was taken?'
4. 'Were you alone or by yourself?'
5. 'Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?'
6. 'Did he kill you?'
7. 'How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?'
8. 'You were there until the time you left, is that true?'
9. 'How many times have you committed suicide?'
10. Q: 'So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?'
A: 'Yes.'
Q: 'And what were you doing at that time?'
11. Q: 'She had three children, right?'
A: 'Yes.'
Q: 'How many were boys?'
A: 'None.'
Q: 'Were there any girls?'
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